Saturday, August 8, 2009

[28 Days To Go] A man, A plan, A Canal -- Panama!

As the Mustache for Michigan revolution gets underway (thanks to The Wolverine Blog for picking up the cause and spreading word of its awesomeness), you will probably want to know how this whole mustache thing is going to play out. It's quite simple really, our plan. One might say our plan is elegant in it's sheer draconian simplicity:

Phase One: Grow a beard in August.
Phase Two: Shave it down to a mustache come September 5th.
Phase Three: Wear that mustache proudly.

Now let's step this out. Why grow a beard if the main goal is to wear the mustache? Well, our inquisitive readers, why get dressed in the morning before you leave the house to go to work, or school, or where ever it is that you go when you leave your house in the mornings after you get dressed? I'll answer for you. It's because we live in a world filled with "social norms." Wearing a beard is socially acceptable. As noted before, the age of the mustache has had it's day... and that day has passed. (This, too, of course being the underlying point of growing the mustache in the first place: We are so fierce in our fandom that not even the concerned looks from Mothers in supermarkets as they pull their children in closer as we pass sporting our glorious mustaches can sway our belief in our team, our coach, our pedigree in college football). We grow the beard to position our facial hair for the crucial next phase...

Shaving it down and into a mustache for Michigan's opener. Ah the anticipation of a new season, a chance to put 2008 in the past, and levy our growing optimistic expectations of the season. Drink beer, watch football. Do manly things. With Mustaches. For Michigan. Where ever you may be - the Big House, tailgating, your favorite alumni bar, your living room - you will document the occasion through modern photographic technology and send us pictures of your mustaches. We will post them.


Because ultimately, Mustaches for Michigan is about community, man. It's about showing our support in an ironically juvenile manner. It's about banding together, forming the solidarity and bonds that only a mustache can spurn. Think, just think!, of all the Mustached Michigan Men out there watching that same game with a beer foam mustache... on their mustache. Together we will come together and form a network of mustaches, and when you call me (how did you get my number?), it will not be me that answers. It will be my mustache.

Does it all end come September 6th? Well, I pose this question to you - if you are superstitious as sport fans are so inclined: If Michigan defeats Western Michigan, was it because of your mustache - the whole mustache collective? What if you shave it off? Will the Universe know and punish our football team accordingly come Notre Dame week because you couldn't stay steadfast in your mustached commitment? And if so, will the blame land squarely on your shoulders - nay! on your upper lip?

I don't think you want to find out.

Hail! Hail! Mustaches for Michigan.

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