Friday, October 30, 2009

Operation Michigan-D Mustache Initiative

Much has been made this season about Michigan's much maligned defense. The soft pass coverage, the walk-ons, the blown assignments, the J-effing-C big plays, so so many touchdowns given away. It's been ugly. It's caused Brian of MGoBlog to decree:

Michigan has two Big Ten level secondary members and guys who might not start for a good MAC team elsewhere. There is no hope for that the rest of the season.

I've given up on the linebackers, and it sounds like the coaches are getting there, too.

Our all-stars on defense -- and future NFL players -- are obvs. Brandon Graham and Donovan Warren. We've seen decent-to-good play from Troy Woolfork, Ryan Van Bergen, and Mike Martin. The linebackers? Ecckk! The safety and corner not named Woolfork or Warren? Uggh.

We know our strengths and we know our weaknesses. This defense is what it is. And it's not gonna get any better for the remainder of 2009, ok? So just wipe the thought of a second-half-of-the-season upswing. Got it?

Well, hold up. Back the train up here, buddy. Why have world-beaters Graham and Donovan been playing at such a high level? Is it their individual God-given talent? What about Woolfork?

Take a look at the pictures below. Tell me what you see. What do these Michigan defensive players have in common?
Hint: Look at the area below their noses and above their lips.

That's right. Warren, Graham, and Woolfork all have mustaches! How's that for some correlational evidence for their performance on the field? Now that's the power of the 'stache, friends. So if Mustaches = Superior Play, then how does the rest of the defense stack up?

Let's take a look, shall we? The 2009 Michigan Defensive Starters:

Holy Crappola. If you want to talk about the potential for improvement for the rest of the season, there's ALOT of room for growth. (No, I will not pardon the pun. It's extremely well-crafted and timed. That's how you use a pun. Take note.)

Well. Then there's Mouton. Who is sporting a 'stache and who is just meh*. Shit. That kind of blows your whole argument, doesn't it, Mr. Smartypants?? Well, not exactly. Just think of how Mouton would be playing if he didn't have the mustache... Aye-carumba!

And Van Bergen? Martin? Imagine them wielding the power of the mustache? Holy Jesus! You talk about a dominating D-Line. This must happen.

That brings us to Operation Michigan-D Mustache Initiative.

Using the far reaching internet there must be someone out there that's close to the team, these players, who can convince them to grown mustaches for the Ohio State game. They MUST grow mustaches for the Ohio State game if we want to have a prayer for a Michigan victory. If there's only six degrees of separation between myself and Kevin Bacon (and I'd say I'm only about 2-3 degrees away from him), then certainly Mustaches for Michigan can get to these players**.

We've seen what happens when we -- the fans -- grow mustaches (i.e. WMU on Sept. 5th). What happens when the players sport mustaches? Just ask Penn State Linebacker Josh Hull how that's been working out for him.

So it's up to you, Mustaches for Michigan community. Spread word of Operation Michigan-D Mustache Initiative. Let's hope that it reaches our Defensive Players in time.

Grow Blue!

* Mouton, sorry bro.
** In a non-creepy, fan-boy stalker "I just bumped into Tate at Tim Horton's" kinda way. Certainly someone is friends or otherwise cool with these kids.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

1969: Where Art Thou?

In 1969, Bo led the team to a 24-12 victory over the Buckeyes and started what became known as The 10 Year War. Bo did not have mustache, but we all know this man transcended the physical. His soul had one. We know Rodriguez's has one, too.

And keep growing that 'stache. The beginning of the season proved successful; let's keep the follicular photos flowing for The Game this year. Go Blue.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

We're Not Saying You Suck at Football. We're Saying You Suck at Life.

Since our last meeting with Florida went favorably, we don't hold the same disdain towards this currently ultra successful college program, as say... USC. But nevertheless, we know a good thing when we see it. And when our mustaches converge on November 21st to send this young Michigan team to better places and more wins, we hope someone will be posting a similar video on our behalf.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Gentlemen, Start Your Mustaches

Remember when September loomed large and the Western Michigan game both frightened and excited you? During the doldrums of August we did what any sane group of friends would do to pass the time and show support for our team... We grew mustaches. It was simple:
Phase One: Grow a beard in August.
Phase Two: Shave it down to a mustache come September 5th.
Phase Three: Wear that mustache proudly.
Why the mustache? Well, firstly, why not? And secondly, what's with all the goddamned questions? We had many a reason for our mustached motivation, and it has been since recorded in the tomes and annuls of Here's a recap:

We are talking about Mustaches! For Michigan. Not only to show our loyalty, but because with enough support to the Mustaching Movement we can tip the scales of fate, add a karmic push of positive energy in Michigan's favor. A mustache is many things, but on September 5th, consider that mustache your talisman.

With every Mustache for Michigan, we are creating a network of mustaches, a circuit of positive energy. Each individual mustache a pod, of sorts, that collectively feeds a current to the greater machine. Yours, mine, every Mustached Michigan Man becomes a force that will lift up like tiny, bristly antennas to the sky, connecting to each other and strengthening in numbers, adding to the ethos of Michigan Football.
So we set forth a simple plan: Grow a Mustache for the WMU game. Many a mustached Michigan Man joined the cause. And how'd that work out for us? Mustache, man. Mustache. (It's a thing). The power of the 'stache prevailed.

But as we've watched a rough and tumble young Michigan team roughly tumble to a 5-3 start, it's apparent that our mustaches are needed once again.

Mustaches for Michigan answers the call to action with aplomb -- we've reworked the plan that was so successful in the past:

Phase One : Grow a Beard in November.
Phase Two: Shave it down to a mustache come November 21st.
Phase Three: Wear that mustache proudly.

That's right. The mustache is back! This time the power of the 'stache will be up against the Ohio State Buckeyes. It's the Mustache vs the Buckstache, bitches! And maybe the beard you're cultivating will add some goodwill along the way... Here's to hoping for a 9-3 regular season.

Go forth, now, ye Mustache for Michigan followers and fortify the movement with your follicles. Gentlemen, I say rise! Start your Mustaches!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

We're Back!

We're back! November 21st looms ahead. Prepare yourselves accordingly. You know what to do.