Monday, August 17, 2009

[19 Days to Go] Mustached Michigan Newsmen

Here at Mustaches for Michigan, we love us some news. Especially when that news is broadcast to us through the maize and blue lens of a Michigan grad. Today, we bring you the mustaches of some of our famous news anchor alumni.

David Shuster, Michigan Man

Record vs. Ohio State, in his lifetime: 20-20-2; all tied up.

Probably best known for: being suspended from MSNBC during the primaries, after he referred to Chelsea Clinton as being “pimped out” by her mother’s campaign.

Another notable report filed recently by this intrepid reporter, and one for which he is sure to be nominated for a Peabody, is this one, where he discusses the finer points of the “Teabagging” movement.

“It‘s going to be teabagging day for the right-wing and they're going nuts for it. Thousands of them whipped out the festivities early this past weekend, and while the parties are officially toothless, the teabaggers are full-throated about their goals.

"They want to give President Obama a strong tongue-lashing and lick government spending--spending they did not oppose when they were under presidents Bush and Reagan.” …

“[Neil] Cavuto, defending his network‘s proportion of teabagging said, quote, "We are going to be right in middle of these teabaggers, because at FOX, we do not pick and choose these rallies and protests. We were there for the Million Man March.” …

“Of course, the Million Man March occurred, as points out, almost a year before FOX News was on the air.”

“We can only speculate why widespread teabagging made Cavuto think of the Million Man March, unless he got them confused with Dick Armey. And in Cavuto‘s defense, if you are planning simultaneous teabagging all around the country, you‘re going to need a Dick Armey.”

David, in all seriousness, we love you here at Mustaches for Michigan. Keep up the good work. And tell that fat fuck Ed you want your time slot back.

Sanjay Gupta, Michigan Man

Record vs. Ohio State, in his lifetime: 20-18-2; Michigan leads.

Probably best known for: being CNN’s Chief Medical Correspondent

Let me start by saying, Sanjay Gupta is such a badass, he turned down the post of U.S. Surgeon General offered to him by the Obama administration. He had better shit to do, or something. Also crossed off his list of badassery: being one of People Magazine’s Sexiest Men, circa 2003.

Mr. Gupta hails from Novi, and attended a premed/med school hybrid program at U of M. He is reportedly a season-ticket holder and a big fan of Rich Rodriguez.

Mike Wallace, Michigan Man

Record vs. Ohio State, in his lifetime: 45-42-4, Michigan leads.

Probably best known for: 70 years of journalism, 20 Emmy Wins

Known for his take-no-prisoners style of interview, Mike Wallace has also battled chronic depression over the years. His well-documented disdain for Ohio State always puts a smile on our mustached faces, and when interviewed about the best rivalry in all of sports for HBO, he beamed, “I cannot think of a happier experience.”

Mike, we here at Mustaches for Michigan salute you, sir. May you live and work many more years, and may those years be filled with many more mustached Michigan wins.

[Keep the photos coming; send us your progress to The next roundup is this coming Friday.]

1 comment:


    rice too?


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