Friday, October 30, 2009

Operation Michigan-D Mustache Initiative

Much has been made this season about Michigan's much maligned defense. The soft pass coverage, the walk-ons, the blown assignments, the J-effing-C big plays, so so many touchdowns given away. It's been ugly. It's caused Brian of MGoBlog to decree:

Michigan has two Big Ten level secondary members and guys who might not start for a good MAC team elsewhere. There is no hope for that the rest of the season.

I've given up on the linebackers, and it sounds like the coaches are getting there, too.

Our all-stars on defense -- and future NFL players -- are obvs. Brandon Graham and Donovan Warren. We've seen decent-to-good play from Troy Woolfork, Ryan Van Bergen, and Mike Martin. The linebackers? Ecckk! The safety and corner not named Woolfork or Warren? Uggh.

We know our strengths and we know our weaknesses. This defense is what it is. And it's not gonna get any better for the remainder of 2009, ok? So just wipe the thought of a second-half-of-the-season upswing. Got it?

Well, hold up. Back the train up here, buddy. Why have world-beaters Graham and Donovan been playing at such a high level? Is it their individual God-given talent? What about Woolfork?

Take a look at the pictures below. Tell me what you see. What do these Michigan defensive players have in common?
Hint: Look at the area below their noses and above their lips.

That's right. Warren, Graham, and Woolfork all have mustaches! How's that for some correlational evidence for their performance on the field? Now that's the power of the 'stache, friends. So if Mustaches = Superior Play, then how does the rest of the defense stack up?

Let's take a look, shall we? The 2009 Michigan Defensive Starters:

Holy Crappola. If you want to talk about the potential for improvement for the rest of the season, there's ALOT of room for growth. (No, I will not pardon the pun. It's extremely well-crafted and timed. That's how you use a pun. Take note.)

Well. Then there's Mouton. Who is sporting a 'stache and who is just meh*. Shit. That kind of blows your whole argument, doesn't it, Mr. Smartypants?? Well, not exactly. Just think of how Mouton would be playing if he didn't have the mustache... Aye-carumba!

And Van Bergen? Martin? Imagine them wielding the power of the mustache? Holy Jesus! You talk about a dominating D-Line. This must happen.

That brings us to Operation Michigan-D Mustache Initiative.

Using the far reaching internet there must be someone out there that's close to the team, these players, who can convince them to grown mustaches for the Ohio State game. They MUST grow mustaches for the Ohio State game if we want to have a prayer for a Michigan victory. If there's only six degrees of separation between myself and Kevin Bacon (and I'd say I'm only about 2-3 degrees away from him), then certainly Mustaches for Michigan can get to these players**.

We've seen what happens when we -- the fans -- grow mustaches (i.e. WMU on Sept. 5th). What happens when the players sport mustaches? Just ask Penn State Linebacker Josh Hull how that's been working out for him.

So it's up to you, Mustaches for Michigan community. Spread word of Operation Michigan-D Mustache Initiative. Let's hope that it reaches our Defensive Players in time.

Grow Blue!

* Mouton, sorry bro.
** In a non-creepy, fan-boy stalker "I just bumped into Tate at Tim Horton's" kinda way. Certainly someone is friends or otherwise cool with these kids.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

1969: Where Art Thou?


In 1969, Bo led the team to a 24-12 victory over the Buckeyes and started what became known as The 10 Year War. Bo did not have mustache, but we all know this man transcended the physical. His soul had one. We know Rodriguez's has one, too.

And keep growing that 'stache. The beginning of the season proved successful; let's keep the follicular photos flowing for The Game this year. Go Blue.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

We're Not Saying You Suck at Football. We're Saying You Suck at Life.


Since our last meeting with Florida went favorably, we don't hold the same disdain towards this currently ultra successful college program, as say... USC. But nevertheless, we know a good thing when we see it. And when our mustaches converge on November 21st to send this young Michigan team to better places and more wins, we hope someone will be posting a similar video on our behalf.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Gentlemen, Start Your Mustaches

Remember when September loomed large and the Western Michigan game both frightened and excited you? During the doldrums of August we did what any sane group of friends would do to pass the time and show support for our team... We grew mustaches. It was simple:
Phase One: Grow a beard in August.
Phase Two: Shave it down to a mustache come September 5th.
Phase Three: Wear that mustache proudly.
Why the mustache? Well, firstly, why not? And secondly, what's with all the goddamned questions? We had many a reason for our mustached motivation, and it has been since recorded in the tomes and annuls of www.mustachesformichigan.com. Here's a recap:

We are talking about Mustaches! For Michigan. Not only to show our loyalty, but because with enough support to the Mustaching Movement we can tip the scales of fate, add a karmic push of positive energy in Michigan's favor. A mustache is many things, but on September 5th, consider that mustache your talisman.

With every Mustache for Michigan, we are creating a network of mustaches, a circuit of positive energy. Each individual mustache a pod, of sorts, that collectively feeds a current to the greater machine. Yours, mine, every Mustached Michigan Man becomes a force that will lift up like tiny, bristly antennas to the sky, connecting to each other and strengthening in numbers, adding to the ethos of Michigan Football.
So we set forth a simple plan: Grow a Mustache for the WMU game. Many a mustached Michigan Man joined the cause. And how'd that work out for us? Mustache, man. Mustache. (It's a thing). The power of the 'stache prevailed.

But as we've watched a rough and tumble young Michigan team roughly tumble to a 5-3 start, it's apparent that our mustaches are needed once again.


Mustaches for Michigan answers the call to action with aplomb -- we've reworked the plan that was so successful in the past:

Phase One : Grow a Beard in November.
Phase Two: Shave it down to a mustache come November 21st.
Phase Three: Wear that mustache proudly.

That's right. The mustache is back! This time the power of the 'stache will be up against the Ohio State Buckeyes. It's the Mustache vs the Buckstache, bitches! And maybe the beard you're cultivating will add some goodwill along the way... Here's to hoping for a 9-3 regular season.

Go forth, now, ye Mustache for Michigan followers and fortify the movement with your follicles. Gentlemen, I say rise! Start your Mustaches!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

We're Back!

We're back! November 21st looms ahead. Prepare yourselves accordingly. You know what to do.


Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Bunches of Mustaches

Jarrod Bunch. Michigan Football captain, 1st round NFL draft pick, Hollywood actor. I had the pleasure of working with Jarrod over the last month on a new ABC show called, "The Forgotten." Check out his episode, "Football John," next Tuesday, October 6th at 10:00 pm.

And GO BLUE.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Space is Limited

Notre Dame's Lucky To Have You, Part II



Earlier this week, we happened upon a real nugget of quintessential Notre Dame fandom. Since his prediction/manifesto/declaration-o'-delusion did not come to pass, a rationalization was certain to arrive. And it did. This time armed with a little anonymity and an emery board, he lays out for us a tasty spread. We can't help but revel in his alternate universe, presumably filled with leprechauns, rainbows, and pots o' gold. We're not certain where Weis would fit into this wondrous landscape, but we have a feeling he'd be riding a unicorn of Clydesdale proportions with gummy bear feeding bags at his sides.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Rich Rod Wants You to Capture This Moment


Word up, faithful. Michigan has been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage. Now, Rich Rod wants you to "Lose Yourself." Why? Because success is his only motherf***ing option. Failure's not.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

For Those About to Rock, Rich Rod Salutes You

Notre Dame's Lucky To Have You, Fella



At Mustaches For Michigan, we take pride in our fandom, but we like to think we do it with a certain levity. So when we caught a glimpse of this gem of a Notre Dame fan, we couldn't resist giving him an extra podium on this very site. It's clear he brings what we so desperately lack. From his hushed tones, to his glaring condescension, to his glorious metaphor about kicking dogs, this particular human really knows where he stands.

Notre Dame is lucky to have you, fella.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Formula for Failure

What is a beard without a mustache?
A loss.

38-34 Michigan. Mustache, man, fucking mustache.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Not Mustache

Given the recent and continuing conversation about the power of the Forcier, this oldie but goodie seems more than appropriate this morning. We don't need to remind you what happened to Jabba the Hutt when he underestimated said power.


May Jabba the Weis experience absolute and total destruction as well. Grow Blue!

Friday, September 11, 2009

First We Take Western Michigan, Then We Take Berlin

It's Notre Dame week... Or should we say Notre Lame (ZING!). No, that will never get old. As we've done in the past, we'll leave the actual football discussion to the pros. Rather, lets take a superficial look at Weis' supposed schematic advantage:

Golden Dome or Golden Arches?

Edge: Michigan.

Last week during Western Michigan, we came together, bonded by our Mustaches for Michigan, and shot a glorious ray of positive energy into the cosmos. We were gifted in return with our first home opener win since 2006. And thus we established the powerful force of the 'stache. Even the Michigan Daily took notice. Do Not Mess With The Mustache.

The plan was elegant in its sheer simplicity: 1. Grow a beard in August. 2. Shave it into a Mustache for the Opener on the 5th... Success! Michigan 31, Western Michigan 7.

Well, ok, but what now? With Notre Dame coming into Ann Arbor tomorrow, we call upon the power of the 'stache once more. Oh, what's that you say? YOU SHAVED IT OFF ALREADY?? Not to get all heady and intellectualize on your asses, but the Mustache is metaphysical, man. Its power is swirling all around us, growing within us. You just have to believe in the Mustache within. If you have the physical manifestation of hair graciously groomed upon your upper lip, you are a signal of strength, a soldier for the Mustaches for Michigan movement. If your upper lip lay bare, well, friend, just believe and channel the inner mustache that lives next door to that little guy you seldom listen to. Also, print this out:

Click on Image for Full Size or Follow Link

Then cut it out. Now fashion it to a stick. This is your mustache. Now wield it proudly! Tell your friends. Make a few more and give them to your neighbors in the Student Section, or pass them out at your friendly alumni bar. Better yet, utilize the sweat shop that is your pledge class and force them to manufacture 100 apiece.

May the Mustache Rise and Guide Us to Victory Yet Again! GROW BLUE!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

The Mustache as Divine Inspiration



From his vantage point on high, Bo wondered all summer long what he could possibly do to go "All in for Michigan." Having asked himself, "What Would Bo Do?" the past two seasons, he opted instead to seek out divine inspiration. He didn't have to look too far...

"What Would Jesus Do?" The answer: Grow a Mustache.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Game Day Round Up: I'm in the Photograph


Mustaches for Michigan was a success! The power of the 'stache prevailed!


Thank you for all your incredible support. We hope that you had fun; we know we did. We received photos from so many of you, from all around the country -- groups in D.C., Oklahoma, members of the Michigan Marching Band, even Chris Perry showed up to the L.A. bar rocking a 'stache (although, his inclusion in the Movement is both purely coincidental and totally awesome).



Was it our collective mustaching efforts that guided our team to victory? You tell us...

Mustache, man, mustache.

Next up: Notre Dame.

[keep sending us photos of your mustaches. for those of you that have sent in submissions and haven't heard back from us: you rock. you know it. we know it. keep on on rocking. send to mustaches4michigan@gmail.com]

Saturday, September 5, 2009

[Mustache Day] WE DID IT!!!


Our heartfelt congratulations to this 2009 team, to Rich Rodriguez, and to the whole Michigan family. We just got back from watching the game at the LA alumni bar, and we have to say, we can't even express how gratifying that W was.

For the last month, we've been growing out our beards, blogging about our team, and looking forward to this day with excruciating anticipation. And now that it finally has happened, and to see our Team perform on par with our wildest expectations, we almost don't have the words to express ourselves. But we'll give it a shot ...

That was one of the most cathartic moments of our lives. We know, it was only Western Michigan, and some people might say that to lasso your happiness to a college football team is insane, juvenile, or just plain ridiculous. But we know that if you've found your way here, to a blog about mustaches, twice removed from college football, you must have a pretty serious addiction yourselves.

2008 seems to be firmly in the rear view mirror. We saw flashes of brilliance today from a wide number of new starters, true freshmen, and stalwart veterans. This season will still have to play itself out, but the feeling we have right now is in the realm of boundless optimism. We love this 2009 Michigan Football team. We truly believe in Rich Rodriguez, and we showed the world with our Mustaches on this beautiful day.

Check back in next week for pictures, more commentary, and more mustached exuberance. HAIL HAIL. Mustaches For Michigan.

[0 Days to Go] It's here!

The day of mustache reckoning is upon us! May the power of the 'stache prevail!

Send in your mustached photos from game day to mustaches4michigan@gmail.com

GROW BLUE!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

[2 Days To Go] Must. Shave. Soon.


We're soooo close. 2 more days to go. The anticipation is palpable. Can you feel it? We can. On our faces. It's tangible. It's thick. And it wants to be unleashed on Western Michigan.

Those of you who have made it this far: we commend you. Lord knows this isn't mandatory. Unless you believe the Detroit Free Press. In which case you're cursing us and calling your parents to come get you lest an investigation tears down The Movement with you aboard.

As we approach Saturday, don't forget to take photos of your final product; grab the mustached stranger across the bar who suddenly doesn't seem so strange, and let's get us some group shots.

[Send your glory to mustaches4michigan@gmail.com. Results to be posted following the game.]

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

[3 Days To Go] The Forcier Runs Strong In Your Family

Boda's mustache is existential

“Ready are you? What know you of ready? For eight hundred years have I trained Wolverines. My own counsel will I keep on how many hours you are to be trained.

“Remember, a Wolverine’s strength flows from the Mustache. But beware. Anger, fear, aggression, a poor excuse for 'journalism' ... the dark side are they. My ally is the Mustache, and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. You must feel the Mustache around you; here, between you, me, the tree, the rock, the football, everywhere, yes.”

To be continued …

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

[4 Days to Go] It's Coming. It's Coming. It's Coming.

20 Stories High, Made of Radiation.


As we grind out the last week of waiting -- oh so patiently waiting for football to come, dear Lord, let it be September already -- and growing out our beards, we can finally look forward to the upcoming weekend without going batshit insane. And part of that means planning...

You have no doubt already mentally worked through that night before, waking up in the morning, and taking part in all the rituals and pageantry of game day. Are you waking up early to make the drive in to Ann Arbor so you can secure a spot for tailgating? Are you heading down Hill Street and catching a friendly house party, red solo cups in hand? Will you be gathering for Bloody Mary's and breakfast with fellow Michigan grads and heading out to your local alumni bar? What ever it is your are planning, you have no doubt thought out every detail -- what shirt you are wearing, your lucky Michigan bottle opener that sings "The Victors," your Michigan pint glass that was chipped during the '06 Notre Dame beatdown so now you have to be wary of what side of the glass you drink from. The fever pitch is coming to a head. Saturday can't come soon enough, the anticipation of Beer Blasting building so that you feel you might burst from seams!

It's coming.

You're even watching pump-up videos with dramatic scores and thinking, "This isn't even totally lame. Rock on."

But the question remains: Have you thought about what style of Mustache you will be sporting on Sept. 5th? Hopefully, you've taken into consideration shaving and grooming into account as you fantasized about this coming Saturday. So allow us to be the first to tell you, if you don't already know -- there are bunches of ways to style the 'stache! Will it be the classic (and white trashish) chevron? A handle-bar? The pencil mustache? Decisions, decisions.

So before you get carried away with images of sugar-plumbs and Brandon Minor dancing in your head, consider thy 'stache. Plan it. And don't forget to take pictures.

We will be posting a round-up of your photos from game day on Labor Day. Your know where to send them: mustaches4michigan@gmail.com

Grow Blue!


[4 Days to Go] We're Behind You, Rich

Feast your eyes on this:
video
Go Blue! We're behind you, Rich.

Monday, August 31, 2009

[5 Days to Go] Mustaches for Michigan Drinks Your Milk Shake

Swear words contained within. If you are offended by such explicit expletives, we suggest you pretend they aren't there.

You have been inundated with the story from all angles by now. It's not our aim here to address said article -- that has already been done by actual credible writers (links found 3 posts below). No. Our aim is to swear. A lot. A goddamned fucking metric ton of face-melting, mouth-washing swearing. Cursing for Cripes Sake! Lenny Bruce would blush. A priggishly piss of bloody "oh yeah? fuck-you, assholes." Not to be over-the-top insane-o or edge-of-the-ledge reactionary. Just to swear. Like a man. With a mustache. Just because. To get it all out. It will be therapeutic, I promise...

Michael Rosenberg and Mark Snyder are cock raping thunder cunts. The blasphemous tripe from these fuckstick no talent asshole rimming cocksuckers is appalling.

So, Rosenberg and Snyder, fuck you and your fucking motherfuck of a retarded monkey shit rag you call the Detroit Free Press. May you get runny dog poo caked underneath your fingernails! May you stub your toe on the door frame as you cross the threshold of your bathroom to pee each morning! Oh yeah, and one other thing: fuuuuucckkkkk you. Fuck you in the ear. That's right, your fucking ear, you slippery dickweed cock-gargling slappies. The pair of you are fucktards with no journalistic integrity. YOU ARE FALSE PROPHETS!

While Mustaches for Michigan has no problem with swearing (see above), we do not advocate violence simply because -- boo hoo! -- someone wrote mean words about our football team. But. But they deserve to be punched in the face. Hard. At random. By many many people. Michael Rosenberg and Mark Snyder, if I see you walking down the street, my beard and I are going to punch you in the face. Possibly break your fucking noses. And maybe your pinky finger too, just because. Yea, that's right, your fucking noses. Till they bleed. Oh, there will be blood.


Do you feel better?

[5 Days To Go] The Free Press Has No Mustache

It's been stated earlier. But, it needs to be stated again.

Those with mustaches are for us. Those without are against us. The Free Press has no mustache.

THE FREE PRESS HAS NO MUSTACHE.Michael Rosenberg has no Mustache.

Also, multiple sources with the Detroit Free Press have stated that Michael Rosenberg hates puppies--absolutely LOATHES them, in fact. Said sources may or may not currently work at the Free Press. ESPN's Joe Schad to confirm shortly.

[5 Days To Go] Damn Right.

The team rallies around Rich Rodriguez in today's presser (from MGoBlog):

[5 Days To Go] Nice Going, Detroit Free Press


This is looking more and more like an editorial blunder:

Rivals.com:
"Detroit Free Press columnist Michael Rosenberg's expose on Michigan workout program revealed a shocking breach of rules that should cause somebody to lose his job. That somebody is Michael Rosenberg's editor."
[Article Link]

The Huge Blog:
"The Free Press' story seemed forced and one-sided. If rules actually were violated and there is proof, then the NCAA will deal with it and rightfully so. Michigan football should get hit if it cheated."
[Article Link]

We'll let others do the talking, including parents of current Michigan players:

Ron Stokes (Je'Ron Stokes' Father):
"I think it is a DISGRACE for any person with the "power of the pen", to mis-use that priviledge for ill intent. For the reporter that interviewed my son, "twisted his quotes in such a way to bring suspicion on our Michigan program, is pathetic!!! Coach Rich Rod, and his staff run a very respectable program, and they do a wonderful job of making sure that their staff as well as their players understand the NCAA rules, as well as the team rules. My son by know means has any complaints, with the Coaches, the workouts etc... HE LOVE MICHIGAN, HE LOVES BLUE NATION, and he is excited and ready to go into this season with his teamates who are just as excited to be part of a special season in yet another page of Michigans history to regain National prominence."
[From Rivals]

Obi Ezeh's Parents:
"Grand Rapids Catholic Central standout Obi Ezeh now plays linebacker for the Michigan Wolverines. His parents say they're stunned by the accusations, and they don't believe the coaching staff would break NCAA rules. Nkechy Obi told FOX 17 News, "When I read the report, the one thing I said to myself is what's wrong in kids working hard, why is it being twisted now, that they're breaking the rule? I don't think the coaches are breaking any rules and I don't think my son would go along with it."
[Article Link]

Mike Schofield (Michael Shofield's Father):
"He came home, and there was no Barwis police chasing my son around, and at the (offseason) workouts, there were no coaches in disguises and no secret passages. ... This is just the perspective from a parent -- we had a great experience with coach Rod and his staff during recruiting. When the accusations came out, my first feeling was, 'I don't believe them.' "
[Article Link]

Chad Henne, Former Michigan Quarterback:
“Twenty hours is a very, very small portion of what you do, especially if you’re a quarterback at a high-profile school,” Henne, now with the Miami Dolphins, said in a phone interview Sunday. “Twenty hours isn’t enough for you. You have to be in there by yourself, studying film, no coaches around, and doing it on your own. That’s where the leadership comes in and that’s where, if you want to get better and play better, you have to do it on your own.”
[Article Link]


Good work, Rosenberg & Snyder. Journalistic integrity is safe with you two at the helm. Of course, none of this would have been possible without help from their great Editor.

To reach Michael Rosenberg, his office line is 313-222-6052 and his email is rosenberg@freepress.com

To reach Mark Snyder, his office line is 313-223-3210 and his email is msnyder@freepress.com

Sunday, August 30, 2009

[6 Days To Go] The Team, The Team, The Team

In light of the recent articles in the Detroit Free Press, we give you this:


While we applaud free speech and freedom of the press, we're less than enthused with the lack of objectivity and insinuating language weaved into the recent "exposé".

From father of freshman offensive lineman Michael Schoefield (via MGoBlog):

Michael came home a couple times to visit, and there was no one chasing him home to get back to practice. He played games at the dorms, they went to hospitals for sick kids, camps for special needs children, and none of that was in the paper.

They went to study halls a lot, and none of that was in the paper.

My youngest son went to Michigan's sports camp in June, and I said to Michael, "here’s your brother who gets to see and workout with your coach, who you can't even see until August." There were no coaches in disguise monitoring the workouts. The timing of this is terrible.

The worst part of all of this is that the reporters targeted the freshman, with misleading questions they can get them to say anything. I’m a fire chief, and I deal with the media. I don’t let my men deal with the media, because they can get them to say anything. They could make us sound like the worst station out there if they wanted to.

Without names, this article means nothing to me.


Further words from Schoefield here.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

[7 Days To Go] Billy Dee Williams Has A Message For You

Rule No. 1: Never run out of Colt 45
Rule No. 2: Never forget Rule No. 1

Friday, August 28, 2009

[8 Days To Go] Location, Location, Location


Gather 'round, fellow Mustached men, women, and children! We present you with a list of alumni bars where you may congregate with other cookie dusters in support of The Movement on September 5th:

California
South
3001 Wilshire Blvd
Santa Monica, CA

Hollywood Billiards
5750 Hollywood Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90028

1979 Union Street
San Francisco, CA

Illinois
Duffy's Tavern
420 1/2 W Diversey Pkwy
Chicago, IL

Louisiana
Cooter Brown's Tavern
509 S Carrollton Ave
New Orleans, LA

Michigan
The Arena Sport Bar & Grill
203 E Washington St
Ann Arbor, MI

Pennsylvania
1501 Spruce St
Philadelphia, PA

2002 Northway Mall
Pittsburgh, PA

Texas
Third Base
1717 West 6th St
Austin, TX

Washington
Buckley's In Belltown
2331 2nd Ave
Seattle, WA

Washington, DC
Buffalo Billiards
1330 19th St NW
Washington, DC

Keep checking back for more location updates. Official Alumni game-watching locations here.

Week 3 Round Up coming...

Thursday, August 27, 2009

[9 Days to Go] Chick Magnet


Consider this your warning. We need to be up front about this because, quite frankly, this is serious business. Seriously. In 9 days, when you shave down the beard to a mustache, you are going to have a powerful tool of attraction residing on your upper-lip. It is literally a chick magnet (female humans and just-hatched chickens cannot resist). Yes, yes, a Mustache for Michigan wields the force to win games. That is our goal. The by-product of the 'stache is that it gets the ladies like it's the 1980's. You'll get more trim than Tom Selleck and Hulk Hogan combined.

Women will want you. Men will want to be like you. You'll have the lure of the animal -- the kavorka! It's called a mustache ride for a reason, yo.

And much like Toby Maguire's existential dilemma, with great power comes great responsibility. There may be many among you that would devilishly abuse your newfound power of attraction to slay more poon than Daniel Day Lewis in The Unbearable Lightness of Being. To you I say: "Bro, not cool. Are you sure you aren't a Michigan State fan?"

But to keep you in line, you should know the mustache is a double-edged sword. That cookie duster not only ups the sexy but also your virility. You'll get women, yes... and then impregnate them. The potency of your gravy cannot be contained or sterilized. There's consequences to the mustached kavorka. So heed this warning, lest you litter the earth with your bastard children. Beware the power of the 'stache. Beware!

The real reason for Jon & Kate's plus eight.

[Keep the photos coming; send us your progress to mustaches4michigan@gmail.com.]

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

[10 Days To Go] The Better Half

At a glance, this whole Mustaches For Michigan thing isn't the most feminine of movements. Letting loose a full crop of whiskers on the tract of land that is your upper lip is downright masculine. It screams, "I'm a dude, I know I'm a dude, don't believe me? Here are my credentials!" But that isn't the intention of The Movement, and alternative vehicles like Pregnant For Michigan would have required several more months of advance notice for the proper effect on September 5th.

The intention, as belabored as it may be at this point, is to unite fans on September 5th in a visual cacophony... Whether you are at the Big House, an alumni bar, or in the family room of your parents' home where Mom serves you Capri Sun and still does your laundry because you can't bring yourself to face that scary, scary world out there.

Truth is, it doesn't matter where you are, it doesn't matter who you are, and it doesn't matter what gender you are, so long as you support one basic premise: that Michigan, their 3-9 season record, and Rich Rodriguez are worth rooting for.

A little while ago, we posted a link to this. It's a template for a mustache. A Mustache For Michigan. Print it out. Cut it. Wear it. Brandish it like a knife or use it to call attention to the waitress when she passes your table for the umpteenth time without bringing another ice cold pitcher.


But use it wisely. Because it's a mustache. For Michigan.

[Keep the photos coming; send us your progress to mustaches4michigan@gmail.com.]

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

[11 Days to Go] Those Who Grow Will Be Champions.

I get it. It's the dog days of August and the beard is getting a little out of hand. It's hot. It's really hot. It itches. And truth be told, I don't grow a very thick beard. It's rough and bristly and patchy. Like a 40 Yard Fake-Out -- you know, that super hot girl that you spy down the street but as you approach... she hurts your lifeforce with her harsh looks -- my beard is fine from a distance. Closer inspection reveals a sordid story of multiple colored hairs, shaggy in length, sporadic in growth. There's brown hairs, a touch of blonde, and, true to my Irish heritage, even random red hairs (This may be the most distressing as - aside from the beard - there's not another red hair on my body). And I suspect that I'm beginning to lose that Los Feliz chic and have jumped the rails into Mountain Man territory. Give me a red plaid shirt and I'll look just like the guy on Brawny rolls of paper towels.

Earlier into this Mustaching for Michigan experiment I wrote:
We are so fierce in our fandom that not even the concerned looks from Mothers in supermarkets as they pull their children in closer as we pass sporting our glorious mustaches
This, as I have come to find, was a foretelling of the truth. And I haven't even shaved the beard into a mustache. The world treats you differently with facial hair. It puts up a barrier between, a wooly road block on the surface of a once inviting and smooth facade. So much for a disarming smile, the beard obfuscates with a "this man is not to be trusted" signal that's read loud and clear.

Ryan Gosling and Ryan Reynolds fit right in with non-Ryans whilst sporting beards. Is it because of the beards? You tell me.

There are some dudes out that prefer the bearded look. And to you I say: Cool, man. Rock it. More power to you. But what's hiding under there? I am suspicious of you and will cross the street when I see you approaching. I'm sure that your beard and my beard would probably get along. But I don't want your beard giving mine any ideas, because clearly you are not to be trusted.

Regardless. The growth continues. September 5th is rapidly approaching. Stay steadfast with that facial hair. I know it's hard, I know. But think of all the training the young men on our Football team have endured. They've been Barwis'd. And you've been bearded. Who has had the rougher time of it? I know the desire to shave is growing with each scraggly hair on your untrustworthy face... But Those Who Grow Will Be Champions! In eleven short days we will be rocking Mustaches, man, Mustaches! And in our mustachioed support, we will guide our team to victory with the mass support of our cosmically chained cookie dusters. So stay strong! Grow thy Beard! August is almost up.

[Keep the photos coming; send us your progress to mustaches4michigan@gmail.com.]


Monday, August 24, 2009

[12 Days To Go] James Earl Jones, Michigan Man, Finds Your Lack Of Faith Disturbing








“Impressive. Most impressive, young Forcier. Lloybie Wan Carr-obi and Rod Solo have taught you well. You have controlled your fear. Now release your follicles. Only your mustache can destroy the Buckstachios now. “

“Never. I’ll never join you.”

Tate, you do not yet realize your importance. You have only begun to discover your power. Join me, and I will complete your mustache. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order back to the Big Ten.”

To be continued …


Sunday, August 23, 2009

[13 Days To Go] The Inevitable Regression of Charlie Weis

In 1978, Charlie Weis was a student at the University of Notre Dame. He seemingly had his head on straight:


Fortunately for Michigan fans, he abandoned light-hearted clairvoyance for corpulent arrogance:


His early mustached days propelled him to enviable success, hitting a zenith with the New England Patriots. But having stood on the shoulders of giants like Tom Brady, Bill Belichick, and The Stache, he confused his ascendancy with his own merit (and sold it to Notre Dame, ha!). We are witnessing The Waning Years.

Enough said. We'll see you in September, Charlie.

[Keep the photos coming; send us your progress to mustaches4michigan@gmail.com.]

Saturday, August 22, 2009

[14 Days To Go] Mustache Mania

2 weeks to go, fellow mustachers. The Movement marches forward, and we indulge you in a video clip today. ESPN interviews Dr. Aaron Perlut, Chairman of the American Mustache Institute:


"What is it about athletes and facial hair and their choices that compels you so?"

"Well, I think it's more the immense power that, uh, wearing a cookie duster can deliver to that athlete. Or even intellectually; you know, take a look at Rick Ankiel of the Cardinals. Earlier in the season he was batting, I believe, .160. And he shaved a beard down to a flavor saving instrument of justice. Overnight his batting average jumped 71 points."

Friday, August 21, 2009

[15 Days to Go] Week 2 Round Up

Comrade Rodriguez deplores you: Where is your beard??

And you, our brethren in the Mustaches for Michigan Revolution, have answered.


Thanks for the Mustaches, Michigan fans. Remember to keep sending in those photos. As we've said in this space before...
Ah the anticipation of a new season, a chance to put 2008 in the past, and levy our growing optimistic expectations of the season. Drink beer, watch football. Do manly things. With Mustaches. For Michigan. Where ever you may be - the Big House, tailgating, your favorite alumni bar, your living room - you will document the occasion through modern photographic technology and send us pictures of your mustaches. We will post them.

Why?

Because ultimately, Mustaches for Michigan is about community, man. It's about showing our support in an ironically juvenile manner. It's about banding together, forming the solidarity and bonds that only a mustache can spurn. Think, just think!, of all the Mustached Michigan Men out there watching that same game with a beer foam mustache... on their mustache. Together we will come together and form a network of mustaches, and when you call me (how did you get my number?), it will not be me that answers. It will be my mustache.
Because...
With every Mustache for Michigan, we are creating a network of mustaches, a circuit of positive energy. Each individual mustache a pod, of sorts, that collectively feeds a current to the greater machine. Yours, mine, every Mustached Michigan Man becomes a force that will lift up like tiny, bristly antennas to the sky, connecting to each other and strengthening in numbers, adding to the ethos of Michigan Football.

This is the mustache collective. So fucking grow that Mustache for Michigan.
Welcome to the ranks, our mustachioed friends. Here's to your mustache!

Follically Yours,

Mustaches for Michigan.

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