Tuesday, August 25, 2009

[11 Days to Go] Those Who Grow Will Be Champions.

I get it. It's the dog days of August and the beard is getting a little out of hand. It's hot. It's really hot. It itches. And truth be told, I don't grow a very thick beard. It's rough and bristly and patchy. Like a 40 Yard Fake-Out -- you know, that super hot girl that you spy down the street but as you approach... she hurts your lifeforce with her harsh looks -- my beard is fine from a distance. Closer inspection reveals a sordid story of multiple colored hairs, shaggy in length, sporadic in growth. There's brown hairs, a touch of blonde, and, true to my Irish heritage, even random red hairs (This may be the most distressing as - aside from the beard - there's not another red hair on my body). And I suspect that I'm beginning to lose that Los Feliz chic and have jumped the rails into Mountain Man territory. Give me a red plaid shirt and I'll look just like the guy on Brawny rolls of paper towels.

Earlier into this Mustaching for Michigan experiment I wrote:
We are so fierce in our fandom that not even the concerned looks from Mothers in supermarkets as they pull their children in closer as we pass sporting our glorious mustaches
This, as I have come to find, was a foretelling of the truth. And I haven't even shaved the beard into a mustache. The world treats you differently with facial hair. It puts up a barrier between, a wooly road block on the surface of a once inviting and smooth facade. So much for a disarming smile, the beard obfuscates with a "this man is not to be trusted" signal that's read loud and clear.

Ryan Gosling and Ryan Reynolds fit right in with non-Ryans whilst sporting beards. Is it because of the beards? You tell me.

There are some dudes out that prefer the bearded look. And to you I say: Cool, man. Rock it. More power to you. But what's hiding under there? I am suspicious of you and will cross the street when I see you approaching. I'm sure that your beard and my beard would probably get along. But I don't want your beard giving mine any ideas, because clearly you are not to be trusted.

Regardless. The growth continues. September 5th is rapidly approaching. Stay steadfast with that facial hair. I know it's hard, I know. But think of all the training the young men on our Football team have endured. They've been Barwis'd. And you've been bearded. Who has had the rougher time of it? I know the desire to shave is growing with each scraggly hair on your untrustworthy face... But Those Who Grow Will Be Champions! In eleven short days we will be rocking Mustaches, man, Mustaches! And in our mustachioed support, we will guide our team to victory with the mass support of our cosmically chained cookie dusters. So stay strong! Grow thy Beard! August is almost up.

[Keep the photos coming; send us your progress to mustaches4michigan@gmail.com.]

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