Friday, August 6, 2010

[29 Days to Go] What Is The Opposite Of Evil?

We here at Mustaches for Michigan love us some knowledge.  We like to get our learnin’ on, so to speak, and we don’t shy away from throwing down some big words or tackling some complicated issues. We have found that this high-browed strategy tends to ward off the hoi polloi, like those pitiable souls who might mistakenly wander over here from an MSU or Ohio State blog  (Notre Dame, we begrudgingly respect you on this front; howeva, because we can’t just let you off the hook – Potato Famine and the Crucifixion, bam! – We don’t like to pull our punches here either). 

But on whom do we depend to enlighten us on the rare occasion that we encounter an unfamiliar term?  Most seasoned academics would fall back on the venerable Oxford English or Merriam-Webster Dictionaries – trustworthy, factual publications, to be sure.  Sadly, their shared fatal flaw lies in a glacial acceptance of pop culture vernacular, which evolves at such a rapid pace these days that many a definition becomes irrelevant or even erroneous by the time it graces their ivory pages. The great Wikipedia experiment can often be a helpful resource, but the serious scholar must always take its entries with a grain of salt and an obligation to perform second source fact checks, and that’s even before acknowledging the necessity to swallow any expectation of palatable prose.

Where does one turn in this chaotic new world of information over-saturation?  Fear not, gentle student, one need look no further than the renowned Urban Dictionary.  Who else is going to give you the truth when you need to know the underlying meaning behind a hot co-worker’s proclivity towards wearing white pants?  In what other forum can you find the definition of trusticles, the rule of half-your-age-plus-seven, and an explanation of your sister’s alleged favorite new recreational activity – the Eifel Tower – all in one convenient location? 

How then, our Mustached compatriots, does this erudite lexicon define our common purpose?  The answer may not surprise you:

1.     The source of all righteous power; the facial hair style of the sophisticated man or woman. 

Antonym:  Evil

1)    The power of the mustache will save us from the ultimate evil!
2)   Wow!  What a great mustache!

2.     A universal icon representing the epitome of authority and raw manhood.  It graces small children the chance to believe in a hero and causes evil-doers to second guess their existence.  There are very few things in this world that could ever achieve the divine status that each individual hair is birthed into.  Resting just above the upper lip, the mustache is a beacon to all mankind that there is hope for this world and a bright future for all who have been gifted with this treasure from God himself.

1)    When I grow up I want a mustache like that.
2)    Think you can handle this mustache?  I don’t think so …

3.     Essentially the same as the English use of “cheers.” Can be used in place of goodbye, thank you, congratulations, etc.

Jennifer:  “Did you hear my essay was selected for publication?”
Bob:  “Well done.  Mustache.”

No comments:

Post a Comment