[33 Days to Go] A Call To Upper Lips!

The day is the 2nd of August in the year of our Lord Two Thousand and Ten, the day which the growth of Beards is already twice removed from shaving.

Ye hath been given your quest: Grow a Mustache for Michigan. 

Welcome to the 2nd Annual Mustaches for Michigan effort. If you're here, that means you, my friend, have opted to take part in something bigger than yourself. Bigger than that glorious 'stache can ever get -- bigger even than the dude with that giant mustache in Tombstone and The Big Lebowski. You are here because you, like so many other Michigan Football fans, have proclaimed "Mustache be thine Savior, lead us to a victory against UConn on September 4th!"

So make yourself comfortable, we've got 33 days until kickoff. You've got some time to get your beard on. Each day at Mustaches For Michigan you will find new content to help the Dog Days of August pass. What we generally do not do is break news, or give analysis on Football -- there are already blogs out there that do it better than we ever could; they're linked on the sidebar. We exist because we are a community of Michigan Football faithful whose fandom knows no bounds: Growing a mustache in support of an athletic team makes complete sense to us. 

Because we are a community -- a Mustaches for Michigan Collective -- we love to see you supporting the cause. Send us your photos of that blossoming beard, brother. Each week, Friday's most likely, we will post a Weekly Round-Up of our Beards in Progress. Snap a quick pic on Thursdays and send em to us a mustaches4michigan@gmail.com. 

And don't forget to spread the word. The more mustaches grown in favor of Michigan, the better our chances at bringing home that victory on Sept. 4. That is a fact. There is data somewhere to be found which verifies it. To simplify it for you (I think it's even one of Newton's Laws): Mustache = Win. The more mustaches the bigger the win. And you want Michigan to win, don't you? Monty Python God forbid that we crawl away with a loss to UConn, well if you didn't do your part by participating in our Mustaching Efforts* then the blame rests squarely upon your bald and quivering upper lip. Good luck sleeping at night, jerkoff. But you're here, and you're not a jerkoff (probably). Do spread the word, though. Tell your friends. We're on Facebook. Tell those friends too. We're also on Twitter. 

You have heard the call to upper lips! Do something about it. Get involved. Grow Blue!

Btw, Monty Python God, nice beard. 

*Ladies and Men who are unable to grow beards and/or Mustaches can still print-a-'sache, so theres' no excuse! 

[34 Days to Go] - Ulysses Walked With Wolverines

It little profits that an idle fan           

Near this dark tv,  among these skeptics

Match’d with aged buddies,  I mete and dole

Unequal expectations on Rich Rod,

Who strives,  plans,  and coaches,  and knows not me.


I cannot rest from internets,  I drink

Life to the lees:  all times I have enjoy’d

Greatly,  have suffer’d greatly,  both with those

That loved me,  and alone:  on couches,  floor.

The angry Michigan hating-God dash’d

Budding prospects for a winning season.

For always roaming with a hungry heart

Much have I seen and known:  championships,

And wins,  losses,  coaches,  rivals,  heartbreak.

Myself not least,  but have cheered through them all;

And drunk delight of battle with my peers

In ringing stadiums of the Big Ten.

I am a part of all games I have seen;

Yet great success is a scale whereby we

Weigh our expectations.  An untravell’d,

Unthink’ably black era have we liv’d.

How anguish’d are we to lose:  nay,  flounder?

To fall from mountains,  once-victorious?

As though to win were happiness,  were Life.

Two years pass’d all too tort’uous – misery.

Little remains:  but ev’ry hour is an

Opportunity for something greater.

Coach Rodriguez,  a bringer of new ways,

Claim’d some two Suns to rebuild and retrain,

And this Blue spirit yearning in desire

To chase victory like a sinking star,

In the Biggest House ever known to man.

Hail!  This is my Team,  mine own Wolverines,

For whom I carry my torch and my pride.

Well loved by me,  they labour endlessly

To make tough a doughy people;  through hard

Practice they elevate themselves skyward.

Near blameless is Rod,  centred in the storm

Of lawsuits,  investigations,  char’cter

Assassinations.  In offices of

Schembechler Hall hearths burn late into night.

Whilst  The Game waits,  he works his work,  I mine.

There lies the field;  the Big House near complete;

There stands the empty scoreboard:  new seasons

Await.  My Michigan Men,  souls that have

Toiled,  and wrought,  and fought with me — That e’er

With a frolic welcome took the hardships

And the glory.  You and I are Arr’gant:

Arrogance hath its honour and its toil;

Loss dims it not:  and something ere the End,

Some play of noble note will yet be done,

Not unbecoming men that strove with Gods.

The lights begin to twinkle from the Arbor,

The long summer wanes;  the slow clock  ticks,  tocks.

The deep  MGoWeb  moans round with many

Voices.     . . .       Come,  my friends,  ‘tis not too late to

Seek a newer form of facial hair.  Push

Off,  and sitting well in order smite the

Follicles from your cheeks:  for my purpose

Holds to grow a magnanimous  Mustache!!

It may be that the games will wash us down;

It may be we shall touch the crystal ball,

And see the great Yost,  whom we all well knew.

Though much is taken,  much abides;  and though

We are not now that strength which in old days

Moved earth and heaven;  that which we are,  we are;

One equal temper of heroic hearts,

Made weak by time and fate,  but strong in will

To  Strive, to  Grow, to  WIN,  and not to yield.

HAIL!  HAIL!

Mustaches For Michigan!!

Pillaging again this August …

Miracle Grow

You're officially on notice. Starting August 1st, the Mustaches for Michigan collective will begin growing beards.

For a refresher, let's revisit the Mustaches for Michigan mission statement: In August we will grow beards which will be shaved down to a mustache for the Opener against UConn. This will be achieved through three easy-to-follow steps...

1. Grow a beard in August
2. Shave it down to a mustache on September 4th.
3. The mustache will do the rest.

You still have questions, we have answers.

FAQ:
Q: Why a mustache?
A: Because a mustache makes a statement. It says, "I'm a loyal fan that supports Michigan Football and Rich Rodriguez to the point of sporting ridiculous facial hair." Your All-in-for-Michigan towel is for the casual observer. A mustache the badge of a real Michigan Football fan.

Q: So... why a mustache?
A: Mustaches, like dragon tears, possess magical qualities. If enough mustaches are grown for a single cause, anything is possible. We are cultivating the power of the 'Stache to get a big WIN against the Huskies. It worked last year against WMU, so there's that.

Q: Now, why beard up in August? Why not go straight for the mustache?
A: If you have the cojones or Tom Sellick-like qualities to wear a mustache, go for it! But for most of us, sporting the 'stache for a month is not a realistic option (work, wives, whatever). But a beard is socially acceptable.

For the female Michigan fan, and for those whose facial follicles have failed them, we have devised a printable mustache that can be wielded on Game Day to show your involvement in the Mustaches for Michigan Movement. It's linked on the sidebar and here.

Beginning on August 1st, the first official day of bearding, the Mustaches for Michigan website will count down the days until Kickoff with a post-a-day. We'll also be posting a weekly round-up of photographs of our collective bearding efforts. You can email us your progress to mustaches4michigan@gmail.com.

Michigan Students supporting the Movement

Grow Blue!

Mustaches Are Coming

Waitin' for Mustaches

Returning this August...

Operation Michigan-D Mustache Initiative

Much has been made this season about Michigan's much maligned defense. The soft pass coverage, the walk-ons, the blown assignments, the J-effing-C big plays, so so many touchdowns given away. It's been ugly. It's caused Brian of MGoBlog to decree:

Michigan has two Big Ten level secondary members and guys who might not start for a good MAC team elsewhere. There is no hope for that the rest of the season.

I've given up on the linebackers, and it sounds like the coaches are getting there, too.

Our all-stars on defense -- and future NFL players -- are obvs. Brandon Graham and Donovan Warren. We've seen decent-to-good play from Troy Woolfork, Ryan Van Bergen, and Mike Martin. The linebackers? Ecckk! The safety and corner not named Woolfork or Warren? Uggh.

We know our strengths and we know our weaknesses. This defense is what it is. And it's not gonna get any better for the remainder of 2009, ok? So just wipe the thought of a second-half-of-the-season upswing. Got it?

Well, hold up. Back the train up here, buddy. Why have world-beaters Graham and Donovan been playing at such a high level? Is it their individual God-given talent? What about Woolfork?

Take a look at the pictures below. Tell me what you see. What do these Michigan defensive players have in common?

Hint: Look at the area below their noses and above their lips.

That's right. Warren, Graham, and Woolfork all have mustaches! How's that for some correlational evidence for their performance on the field? Now that's the power of the 'stache, friends. So if Mustaches = Superior Play, then how does the rest of the defense stack up?

Let's take a look, shall we? The 2009 Michigan Defensive Starters:

Holy Crappola. If you want to talk about the potential for improvement for the rest of the season, there's ALOT of room for growth. (No, I will not pardon the pun. It's extremely well-crafted and timed. That's how you use a pun. Take note.)

Well. Then there's Mouton. Who is sporting a 'stache and who is just meh*. Shit. That kind of blows your whole argument, doesn't it, Mr. Smartypants?? Well, not exactly. Just think of how Mouton would be playing if he didn't have the mustache... Aye-carumba!

And Van Bergen? Martin? Imagine them wielding the power of the mustache? Holy Jesus! You talk about a dominating D-Line. This must happen.

That brings us to Operation Michigan-D Mustache Initiative.

Using the far reaching internet there must be someone out there that's close to the team, these players, who can convince them to grown mustaches for the Ohio State game. They MUST grow mustaches for the Ohio State game if we want to have a prayer for a Michigan victory. If there's only six degrees of separation between myself and Kevin Bacon (and I'd say I'm only about 2-3 degrees away from him), then certainly Mustaches for Michigan can get to these players**.

We've seen what happens when we -- the fans -- grow mustaches (i.e. WMU on Sept. 5th). What happens when the players sport mustaches? Just ask Penn State Linebacker Josh Hull how that's been working out for him.

So it's up to you, Mustaches for Michigan community. Spread word of Operation Michigan-D Mustache Initiative. Let's hope that it reaches our Defensive Players in time.

Grow Blue!

* Mouton, sorry bro.

** In a non-creepy, fan-boy stalker "I just bumped into Tate at Tim Horton's" kinda way. Certainly someone is friends or otherwise cool with these kids.

1969: Where Art Thou?

In 1969, Bo led the team to a 24-12 victory over the Buckeyes and started what became known as The 10 Year War. Bo did not have mustache, but we all know this man transcended the physical. His soul had one. We know Rodriguez's has one, too.

And keep growing that 'stache. The beginning of the season proved successful; let's keep the follicular photos flowing for The Game this year. Go Blue.

We're Not Saying You Suck at Football. We're Saying You Suck at Life.

Since our last meeting with Florida went favorably, we don't hold the same disdain towards this currently ultra successful college program, as say... USC. But nevertheless, we know a good thing when we see it. And when our mustaches converge on November 21st to send this young Michigan team to better places and more wins, we hope someone will be posting a similar video on our behalf.

Gentlemen, Start Your Mustaches

Remember when September loomed large and the Western Michigan game both frightened and excited you? During the doldrums of August we did what any sane group of friends would do to pass the time and show support for our team... We grew mustaches. It was simple:

Phase One: Grow a beard in August.

Phase Two: Shave it down to a mustache come September 5th.

Phase Three: Wear that mustache proudly.

Why the mustache? Well, firstly, why not? And secondly, what's with all the goddamned questions? We had many a reason for our mustached motivation, and it has been since recorded in the tomes and annuls of www.mustachesformichigan.com. Here's a recap:

We are talking about Mustaches! For Michigan. Not only to show our loyalty, but because with enough support to the Mustaching Movement we can tip the scales of fate, add a karmic push of positive energy in Michigan's favor. A mustache is many things, but on September 5th, consider that mustache your talisman.

With every Mustache for Michigan, we are creating a network of mustaches, a circuit of positive energy. Each individual mustache a pod, of sorts, that collectively feeds a current to the greater machine. Yours, mine, every Mustached Michigan Man becomes a force that will lift up like tiny, bristly antennas to the sky, connecting to each other and strengthening in numbers, adding to the ethos of Michigan Football.

So we set forth a simple plan: Grow a Mustache for the WMU game. Many a mustached Michigan Man joined the cause. And how'd that work out for us? Mustache, man. Mustache. (It's a thing). The power of the 'stache prevailed.

But as we've watched a rough and tumble young Michigan team roughly tumble to a 5-3 start, it's apparent that our mustaches are needed once again.

Mustaches for Michigan answers the call to action with aplomb -- we've reworked the plan that was so successful in the past:

Phase One : Grow a Beard in November.

Phase Two: Shave it down to a mustache come November 21st.

Phase Three: Wear that mustache proudly.

That's right. The mustache is back! This time the power of the 'stache will be up against the Ohio State Buckeyes. It's the Mustache vs the Buckstache, bitches! And maybe the beard you're cultivating will add some goodwill along the way... Here's to hoping for a 9-3 regular season.

Go forth, now, ye Mustache for Michigan followers and fortify the movement with your follicles. Gentlemen, I say rise! Start your Mustaches!

We're Back!

We're back! November 21st looms ahead. Prepare yourselves accordingly. You know what to do.